damn papercuts! I wanna go home... but then again i don't... i just don't want to be here.
i wanna go this wknd to watch The Red Jumpsuit... but no money =[ so if anyone wants to LEND me $15 i promise to pay back with interest =]
My back is fucking killing me i dont know what i did with it, but i think its from laying down too much...
so no more! life is about going out there facing the world, doing what you have to do to get where you want to be... see the beauty about living a nice comfortable life... is knowing that you earned it! by hard work!!! =] and there is NO OTHER WAY that i would do it... not even if i won the lottery... but hey then again thats just me.
I pity the fool who pity's himself... life is beautiful.
I've noticed that i've been blah too much... WTF!? thats not who i am... i like being happy and a complete goofball![just ask tony how i was acting lastnight]... i know i've had it hard in life... AND IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS... I'M SO GLAD I DID! My momma didn't raise no fool! I'm happy that i am the strong person that i am... and that i know that things wont get thrown my way... that the beauty of having things is that you worked for them... unlike others that get EVERYTHING! and take it for granted, now those type of ppl i feel like throwing against the wall and feeding them their own shit through a straw [BREATHE!].
and for future reference... I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT TO WRITE THIS BECAUSE ITS THE TRUTH... IF YOU DONT LIKE IT OR ARE INSULTED BY IT...IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU ARE SPOILED =]. and just because you piss me off doesn't mean i dont have love for you <3
blah! everyone and there mothers have the stomach flu =[
i hate that!!! ... and its weird because i'm so craving a really good yummy steak with A1 and fries and mashed potatos lmao!!!
wow...
Poor Tony caught the virus from my family... and i'm still just chillin [scared] waiting for it to hit me =[
this stupid flu passed around last yr! and it sucked balls because i got it bad... i'm praying that my immune system is going to get all ghetto on it and beat the shyt out of the virus before it can do anything to me... lol
how tony says ... my immune system are a bunch of black girls going "oh no he didnt... hold my earings! hold my weeve[sp?]" and beating it up lol.... I WISH!
SUPERBOWL SUNDAY! is this sunday ... everyone should get cured and good by then! and i better not get it at all! bcuz i wanna have a good time.
an ad popped up on my comp right now with natalie portman in the movie Closer and it gave me butterflies, because that was the 1st movie that i got the balls to lay my head on him for, and that was like 2 months before 4th of july which is the day i was forced by everyone and their mothers with shotguns to confess to him that i liked him... that day was pretty nerve wrecking and w.e for me, i had luimar, ali, mikey, lizzy and christine via phone from Georgia =[ lol! but yeah... and then oh yeah the infamous reply that Tony gave me after i told him that i liked him "Let Things happen..." when i told everyone his reply they all stayed like "wtf did he mean with that" lol Oh God... so i have a great "love story" to tell my kids..."i told your father i liked him at a gas station in front of a dumpster and a bum =]" lmao.
but yeah anyways back to the movie..."the word love is thrown around like nothing" and its true... i see ppl that have been dating for what? 2 months already telling the other person "i love you."
I think that phrase people dont really know the real meaning of it.: I Love you because i will accept you as who were, who you are, and who you will become. I Love you because I will always be there for you even in times where i dont like you ill be there. I Love you because I'm willing to always try to listen to what you have to say w/o judging you. I Love you even when you look like a bum, fat, ugly, thin, handsome, old, young, wrinkley, pimplee, smelling good and bad. I Love you for you and NOT for what you buy me or what you give me. I Love you because ill stick around in the times when your poor and when you are rich. I Love you because i want you to lean on ME for support, because my 1st priority is to make you happy. I Love you because my happiness comes from your happiness. I Love you because even in the times where you push everyone out of your life, I will always be there... I'm not going anywhere. I Love you because whenever you feel like escaping...I want to be that escape, because you are my escape. I Love you because LOVE is a commitment NOT a feeling. and I'm commited to you.
Real Love is sticking around after the looks and the butterflies and the infatuation feeling which we all call "THE HONEY MOON STAGE" ends... couples usually break up once the Honey Moon stage ends... so dont tell someone you love them until you are over the HM stage, because its until then that you can be really sure that you're in love.
and ladies and gentleman... as so many of you have seen how my relationship rolls lol... I CAN SAY FOR SURE! THAT I AM TRULLY IN LOVE WITH A VERY STUBBORN, WEIRD, CRAZY, SUPPORTING, STRONG, AMAZING, HOTT , LOVING AND EMOBIPOLAR MAN....TONY =]
...*..♥ Nikki
and while other chix are busy loving britney spears and the pussycat dolls or w.e... i'm a bit old fashioned... My idol since the age of 8 .. Celine Dion. =]
*Dont mind the lesbian action going on[great movie though "loving annabel" for those curious to know... its about the song*
To be completely honest It scares me to imagine What life would be without you And for this very reason I ask you to forgive me For what Im putting us through Although there are so many things Against us, Ive decided That Im not giving you up, no... Thinking back, I see what we have Is something different I think weve known all along So how fair would it be To divide this loves existence Between whats right and whats wrong And you, always wondering if well make it Time will tell you That Im not giving you up, no, no... Well find a way to be together However long it takes, wherever If it means having you for only a moment A moment just might be enough Im not giving you up, no No Im not giving you up, no Screaming in the silence the promises weve spoken Come back to haunt me, false and broken Quiet desperation to see were lost forever Searching for water in the desert No, I refuse to have to do Without your kisses Im not giving you up, no, no
I'm not going anywhere,
I gave you my word, and i meant it... I wont give up on us...
If it takes away the pain it's all right we're livin' so hard you might not make it through the night follow the bright lights they might change you if you get lost along the way it's all right
we'll find another way to dance we'll find another was to dance if you get the chance you must dance dance dance
if you get caught out in the storm it's all right you're livin' so hard you can't stay dry when you're out tonight stare at the bright lights they might blind you look at them too long and you might see it's all right
we'll find another way to dance we'll find another was to dance if you get the chance you must dance dance dance
be what you believe stand up and break free be what you believe bright lights can't see
I swear! you know you are a true dancer when you are doing anything random and out of nowhere you hear a song and a whole idea for a choreography shoots into your head! its creepy at times hah!. well yeah
My next solo... which will be performed on April [YOU ARE ALL INVITED AND I BETTER SEE YOU ALL THERE =)] ok so anyway my idea is! [if i can ofcourse] borrow rubens projector have it hitting the back curtains of the stage and the stage floor filled with nelly's favorite flower and starting of with a picture of nelly and a little quote... then going of to random pictures of war and hunger and kids and happy things just random world stuff and the pix change along with the rhythm of the music.
ok now i really cant explain the choreography in writing so ya'll just have to go see it.
and the song is this:
obviously w/o the whole "emperor today is your bday" thing lmao!
but yes yes... now imagine it.
i started crying when it the idea hit me =]
Nelly taught me the real meaning of being Humble and Kind... so i really wanna do this. and im going to practice my ass off to finally get my switch leap for the big boom part lol in the dance.
I just really liked the way shane acted in this scene... it reminded me of me.
someone hates me and i just either act completely clueless and nice, or i just agree with everything they say and walk away.
hey i like being like that better than being violent. Hey im not saying that if i gotta kick ass i'll back down, because i definetly wont, what i'm saying is that i'm happier being more laid back about stuff then violent how i used to be.
can't wait till this friday, its going to be Tony's and I second time going to this couples only youth group =] I have a feeling that we are going up from here with this =] <3 I love you bebeh <3
SUPERBOWL SUNDAY BBQ PPL!!! Tony and I ... ok Tony's parents found the best BBQ meat... so yeah lets plan out a bbq... i get the meat everyone else gets the drinks chips and ppl to join =]
and i think im up for my 2nd tattoo... i actually have a really nice design in mind.
Tis all....*..Nikki
P.S. my mom is such a cutie... i came downstairs today before leaving to get some food... and she had my lunch packed for me already.. i felt special =] i like having my mom home.
So i scared tony last night... i've been feeling very scared lately... lonely [nothing having to do with tony] and last night i just couldnt fall asleep.
i've been feeling sooooo far from God... but i dont mean it in the i think im off the road far from God. Like i dont feel HIM close.
I weirded Tony out with my odd questions last night.... i just needed to feel soothed... but i guess i freaked tony out that he didnt know how to take it so he just started questioning me lol and kind of lecturing me... meh... i dont really expect him to understand me... his views on religion and God are very opposite to mine.
All i'm saying is that i want to feel protected i want to feel my angels surrounding me... i want to feel peace.
Your heart I seek to find With Your hands You fashioned mine Let me be used by you to carry out the truth To the ends of the earth 'Til everyone's heard My mended heart will share Your words I will tell the world that You are God
I will run I will fly I will live to be a sacrifice Through it all I'll rise above Unafraid I will face what comes I will run I will fly And for my faith I will live & die I'll be strong - I will press on For the sake of Your beautiful name Your beautiful name
Should all life cease to grow Should chaos take control The only hope we know is You will save us It's worth the cost to take up my cross As You take back what's been lost Until all who doubt know You are God
I'm not captive anymore I'm gonna soar to a new placce Take on a new pace I know what my life is for
P.S. my bosses are such pricks... i feel discriminated and i feel that they are taking advantage of me and my co- worker.
P.S.S. my room is finally painted! thanx to Rubang and Joel who helped tony and me out A LOT! and to Joel for building my bed =]
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peaceful
nauseated
anxious
cold
drained
determined
gloomy
devious
full
My whole body aches